1st Annual "Side Show" NFL Mock Draft

As I prepare for the 2nd annual sideshow NFL Mock Draft, I thought it would be fun to repost last year's 1st Annual Sideshow NFL Mock Draft, basically making a mockery out of mock drafts.

This year's 2nd Annual Sideshow NFL Mock Draft will involve my selection of Major League Baseball players by each NFL franchise.  The selection criteria will revolve around need, humor, and ridiculousness.  Please feel free to text me your baseball player selection for your favorite NFL franchise.  Please note text rates may apply - however, personally, I have unlimited text - so get to it 602 930 2529.  Saturday at 3 PM MST is the deadline.

Repost from 4/28/2011

1st Annual "Side Show" NFL Draft:

Everyone has a Mock NFL Draft.  Google it.  Everyone.  Google Search "2011 NFL Mock Draft" and you get over 2,500,000 results.  Outside of a few experts, and my friend Bill (who has been analyzing potential drafts since the 90s with a dry erase board), NO ONE has a clue what will go down on NFL Draft night. 

Yesterday, listening to 1560 The Game Sports Radio, they produced their 4th annual "Seinfeldian Mock Draft" (SMD) hosted by Sean Pendergast.  The SMD is a draft where you can pick almost anything you want.  You want "The Force" from Star Wars?  How about a "fart machine"?  Greg Oden's manhood has been selected.  The Republic of Texas was chosen and then annexed as SE Orange County.  I think you get it, there is no logical answer in the SMD or the NFL Draft.  For that, I thank 1560 The Game for a great production.  They should get credit for a Public Service Announcement.  (Listen to the podcast here, it's worth it)

What is a hybrid of the SMD, a true NFL Mock Draft and some reference to the 1st round of tonights NFL Draft?  I present to you, the 1st Annual Side Show Draft.

RULES OF DRAFT

• No Current NFL Players
• No Draft Eligible Players
• Must be relevant to the NFL Franchise

• Can be a real person, fictional person, a concept, a planet, and on and on and on...etc
• No Mel Kiper or Todd McShay
• Roger God-del gets the first pick of the draft
• I reserve the right to make sh*t up as I go

Without further adieu, the 2011 Side Show Draft: 

Mr. God-del -  selects "Diplomatic Immunity"  (in case the labor dispute drags on)

1. Carolina (2-14) - "Coach K" - (why not?)

2. Denver (4-12) - "A night out for Tim Tebow @ Shotgun Willie's"(strip bar, make it rain Timmy)

3. Buffalo (4-12) - "A Do-Over of the Music City Miracle" (see video here)

4. Cincinnati (4-12) - "A probation officer" (the Bengals have ummm a history)

5. Arizona (5-11) - "Kurt Warner" *(he is technically eligible since he retired per Side Show rules)

6. Cleveland (5-11) - "Dignity" (rough times in Cleveland after the "Decision" and all)

7. San Francisco (6-10) - "The Ashes of Bill Walsh" (it was between Walsh and Joe Montana)

8. Tennessee (6-10) - "Sunshine, the QB from Remember the Titans" (get it, Titans..& they need a QB)

9. Dallas (6-10) "A bigger stadium G*d Dammit" (after not having 1200 seats avail at the SB this yr)

10. Washington (6-10) - "Time machine" (to rescind the Albert Haynesworth  signing 2/27/09)

11. Houston (6-10) - "A spot in NFL Europe" (Rick Smith, GM, was not aware NFL Europe is no more)

12. Minnesota (6-10) "A roofing contractor" (for the collapsed dome in Minn)

13. Detroit (6-10) - "Strike the Matt Millen years from the Record" (wow, did he suck as a GM)

14. St. Louis (7-9) - "Albert Pujols" (he is the only thing that has hit in STL for years)

15. Miami (7-9) - "A Bodyguard" (for Brandon Marshall)

16. Jacksonville (8-8) "Tickets for TMZ's Hollywood Bus Tour" - (it's not if, but when they move to LA)

17. Oakland 8-8  "A hot 20 year old nurse to wheel Al Davis around" (give the crazy old dude a smile)

18. San Diego (9-7) - "Marty Schottenheimer" (did you really think Norv would get you over the top San Diego?)

19. New York Giants (10-6) - "Cooper Manning" (what's better than 1 Manning? 2!)

20. Tampa Bay (10-6) - "John McKay's Old Floppy Hat" (see pic)

21. Kansas City (10-6) - "More beer! For Godsake we are in Kansas City"

22. Indianapolis (10-6) - "Cooper Manning" (what's better than 1 Manning?  2!!)

23. Philadelphia (10-6) - "Bring Back the Jail at LFF" (eliminated after 2 yrs of Linc. Fin. Field)

24. New Orleans (11-5) - "NO selects Nicolas Cage to take the opposing teams out on the town" (party!)
25. Seattle (7-9) - "Sunshine" **(lucky sunshine slid to this spot w/KC picking ahead of them)

26. Baltimore (12-4) -"F*ck, it's our pick?"  (Balt. missed their spot in the draft tonight)

27. Atlanta (13-3) - "We trade all of our picks for Herschel Walker" (or Julio Jones)

28. New England (14-2) "A muzzle for Rex Ryan, morals, 3 more draft picks,  a hair stylist for Tom Brady, 2007 version of Randy Moss, David Tyree getting carpel tunnel, (hold on....they are checking to see if the Red Sox or Celtics want anything.....no..ok..a new hoodie...)  (selfish bastards)

29. Chicago (11-5) - "On behalf of the Bears, the SuperFans select Dit-ka" (Da Coach - see video here)

30. New York Jets  -  "A Babysitter" (for Antonio Cromartie's kids and Mark Sanchez girlfriends)

31. Pittsburgh (12-4) - "A MOB Enforcer" (to clean up Big Ben's mishaps....just in case)

32. Green Bay (10-6) - "Is that Brett Favre guy Available?"

*Sunshine the person in the movie

**Sunshine, like THE Sun

***Yes, Cooper Manning was selected twice.  Word has it the Peyton and Eli will alternate weekends with Cooper.

Thanks to Randall, the FakeRogerGoodel, and all the others that assisted this mock draft in becoming the 2,500,001 result in Google Search "Mock Draft."